Anniversary special: The 20 best things HOMER SIMPSON ever said

Anniversary special: The 20 best things HOMER SIMPSON ever said
Copyright by The Washington Post
December 10, 2010
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2010/01/anniversary_special_the_20_bes.html?hpid=topnews


Even though many viewers have drifted away from regularly tuning in to the once-mighty "The Simpsons" (D'oh!), the Show That Helped Build a Network (with a nod to Tracey "Mama" Ullman) itself still stands as one of TV's great popular achievements. And tonight, Fox will celebrate the 20th anniversary of Matt Groening's creation with a half-hour episode and a one-hour documentary by Morgan Spurlock. (BYO Duff.)

To salute this 20-year milestone ourselves, we've culled 20 of our favorite "Simpsons" lines ever. Or more specifically: Since it was Homer who has gotten the best lines so much of the time, we've culled 20 of our favorite Homer Simpson lines.

Whether being an oblivious idiot or a self-aware boob, Homer is oh-so-readily mined for comedy gold. So here they are, straight outta Springfield: Comic Riffs' "Simpsons" Top Twenty. Because when it comes to quoting Homer, two decades of "The Idiot and the Odyssey" have made for one bloody funny journey...


20. Homer [drunk]: "See, the thing about my family is there are five of 'em: Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one that doesn't talk and the fat guy. Oh, how I loathe him."

19. Sideshow Bob: "Homer, how can one man have so many enemies?"
Homer: "I'm a people person."

18. "I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world."

17. Bart: "Dad, is this art or is it vandalism?"
Homer: "That's for the courts to decide."

16. [Comforting] "There, there. Shut up, boy."

15. Bart: "I smell a museum."
Homer: "Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum.' They end with 'mania' or 'teria.' "

14. Marge: "This is the worst thing you've ever done."
Homer: "You say that so often that it's lost all meaning."

13. "Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it."

12. Bart: "I want to be emancipated!"
Homer: "Emancipated? Why do you want that? Don't you like being a dude?"

11. [Ned Flanders has the ability to foresee one's death]
Ned: "Homer, you will die eating a submarine sandwich."
Homer: "What kind of bread is it?"
Ned: "Country parmesan."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

10. "Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

9. "I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for 10 minutes!"

8. [While listening by earpiece to a football game in church]
Homer: "Please, please, please, please ..."
Sports announcer (calling a kick): "Yes, it's good."
Homer: "It's good! IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD. It's ... good to see you all today."

7. "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try."

6. "Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively."

5. Homer [to Marge]: "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

4. "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin... but what good does that do me?"

3. "Here's to alcohol, the cause of -- and solution to -- all life's problems."

2. Homer: [to Marge]: "You know, I've had a lot of jobs... boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country-western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power-plant worker, fortune-cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and missionary. But protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all."

1. Homer: "D'oh!"


Do you have your own favorite "Simpsons" line -- by any character? Fire away. We'll grab a Duff and a donut as we count down till the special.