FINANCIAL BARGAINING WITH YOUR LOVER

FINANCIAL BARGAINING WITH YOUR LOVER
by Roger V. McCaffrey-Boss
Copyright by Gay Chicago Magazine and Roger V. McCaffrey-Boss
July 16-22, 2009
http://www.gaychicagomagazine.com/advice/legallyspeaking.shtml


Q: After many months, my lover and I have decided to move in together. Before we set the date, however, we want to resolve some of the financial and property issues we may face. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Heterosexual couples can use prenuptial agreements to create their own rules and obligations to provide for their financial goals and to address their property rights in case their relationship ends. They can decide how the property that each spouse brings to the marriage will be held. What will happen to property acquired after the marriage and what happens in case of death or divorce.

LGBT couples starting out in a new relationship can also create their own agreement with their own rules. The problem is mixing money and love without dousing the romance. When couples talk about their breakup at the beginning of their relationship it can be like throwing ice water on the relationship.

For some couples that have created property agreements for themselves there have been times when one person resented the other for insisting on having a property agreement which has lead to the termination of the relationship.

Often times the person with more assets will want the person with less assets to sign an agreement waiving any claim to their property in case of a breakup adding to the feeling of resentment and the belief that they are not trusted.

Property agreements with their businesslike nature can also take a lot of the romance out of the relationship. Some couples have unrealistic expectations about their agreements and believe that they can make their relationship unbreakable. Some couples want the agreement to punish the person who is unfaithful in the relationship or affix blame with a monetary penalty.

There’s also a tendency for people to give up too much because they are in love or don’t realize what they are getting into. Many people don’t drive hard bargains just to overcome the presumption they aren’t in the relationship for the money.

The reality, however, is that most couples never deal with the issues that create problems in a relationship. A property agreement can increase the couple’s chances of a successful relationship because of the discussion up front about potential problems that all couples face.

The first step is to reach an agreement on the issues covering the ownership of property and sharing of income while they are together. Is the use of the separate property to be shared?

The couple’s agreement should cover the property that each person owned before the relationship. Will that property continue to be owned by each person as their own separate property, if so that understanding should be set forth in the agreement with a list of the actual property - to avoid disputes later on.

Who pays what proportion of the common expenses - housing, food, laundry, phone and electric etc. - during the relationship. Each person in the couple can maintain their own separate bank accounts and establish a joint account for items the couple agree to pay together - rent, utilities, groceries, vacations to name a few.

The agreement should cover property that the couple will jointly buy during the relationship. One suggestion is for each person to buy separate items that the couple needs with the understanding that if they split, each item bought will stay the property of that person.

The first rule of disputes is that the time to write a agreement is never when you need it. Once a person wants to move out or end the relationship the time is too late.