Chicago Sun Times Editorial: East Lake View school's straight parents line up with gays

Chicago Sun Times Editorial: East Lake View school's straight parents line up with gays
Copyright by The Chicago Sun Times
June 15, 2009
http://www.suntimes.com/news/commentary/1622677,CST-EDT-edit15a.article


Even in places where you'd least expect it, the kids of same-sex parents are being singled out.

Nettelhorst, a public grammar school in Chicago's East Lake View neighborhood, in the heart of Boystown, has a diverse student body, including at least five families with same-sex parents. Many families choose Nettelhorst for its reputation for inclusiveness, along with its strong academic record.

Even so, a gay teacher and a few students with same-sex parents were bullied this year.

One substitute teacher, who is also a Nettelhorst parent, was called a faggot. A first-grader was singled out by classmates -- a group of 6-year-olds just couldn't believe someone could have two dads.

And one fifth-grader was so tired of being tormented that he refused to let his dad visit his classroom. Later the boy, in tears, explained why:

"They think I'm gay because you're gay, and they make fun of me, and I hate it."

Nettelhorst's staff reacted to each incident swiftly, stressing that kind of behavior was not allowed.

The parents were appreciative and tried not to overreact. The bullying wasn't vicious, and, they reasoned, kids tease at every school -- for all sorts of reasons.

Still, they felt that wasn't enough. So this spring, they decided to take action.

"This is where my daughter goes to school all day; she needs to know it's a safe, supportive place," said Marcia Festen, a lesbian parent of two children. "I expect them to be teased, and it's my job to make them strong. But I also think it's the school's job to make a supportive community."

In May, Festen and other parents collected hundreds of pieces of fabric -- strips in the rainbow colors of the gay pride flag -- and each Nettelhorst student tied a ribbon to the school's fence, creating a beautiful rainbow mosaic. A sign accompanies it, saying: "Each Nettelhorst student has tied a piece of fabric to the fence as a tangible sign of his or her personal intention to create a better world."

They have also recruited families, mainly straight ones, to march in the Pride Parade later this month. Nettelhorst will be the only public school marching.

And school administrators, who supported these efforts, agreed to start a parent diversity committee. They'll be tasked with finding ways to reflect the school's diversity in the curriculum and in the images in the school building.

Their larger goals are ambitious but doable: to eliminate the stigma attached to kids from same-sex families, to normalize those families so there's less to tease about. Their aim is a school culture in which everyone feels offended by teasing, not just the victims.

Doable, we say, because this is about kids, not about politics or gay marriage. Whether you support gay marriage or not -- and we do -- these families are here, in our midst. They are our neighbors, our children's classmates, our co-workers' children. Once we acknowledge that, it's not a stretch to want to treat them with respect.

A few Nettelhorst parents balked at the parade and the fence project, and a group not affiliated with the school posted a hateful blog item.

But the vast majority of Nettelhorst parents have embraced this effort. Straight parents helped with the fence project, signed up for the parade, volunteered for the diversity committee or simply offered an encouraging word.

For the same-sex parents, this has been the most meaningful part.

"Many people have said they're so proud of their kids' school," said Brad Rossi, a gay parent. "It's been really, really wonderful. We weren't sure, to be honest, how they'd react."

The same-sex couples at Nettelhorst took a risk.

And, so far, other parents and their school have lined up behind them.

This is how we change the world -- one family, one child at a time.